MY PLAN

You know how sometimes, you know something is happening that will really change everything?

Finding out I was expecting a baby last year was one of those times. I knew instantly that everything was going to change, and I was scared. It took a lot of faith to make that decision. If I had known then what I know now, I would have have put one hand on my shoulder, the other on my cheek, told myself to look into my eyes, and then assure myself that it was going to be wonderful. "Good job! You acted in faith," I would have said. "You will love your new little baby more than life. Just wait."

Meeting Laura Belnap was another one of those times. Before knowing her, I knew a lot of people in the ward, but didn't really KNOW anyone. I have always been good at that. In high school, I knew everyone, but had no really close friends. I am a socializer and a loner at the same time. I would have been like that in this ward as well, except there was this person, Laura, who kept inviting me to stuff. She kept asking me to scrapbook, to come over for dinner, to go out to dinner, to play the piano for her kids, to carpool to soccer, etc. Pretty soon, I started meeting people. Lots of people. I met all of my close friends today through Laura arranging stuff to do. My friends here have changed me. I know how to be a close friend now and I don't ever want to be a loner again.

Marrying Brett was one of those decisions. He was different than me. He was different from guys I would typically date. He also always did what was right and what was hard and what was exciting--totally took me out of my comfort zone. He also always calmly showed me the big picture and reassured me that it will be ok. That has shaped my life.

Yesterday, we decided to accept a job offer in California. We told the kids over a nice dinner. Whenever we have made a big decision in life, we have gone to the temple. I have grown in my confidence that the Lord will give me the answer I seek. I knew that by the time we had thought the decision out in our minds, prayed many times, fasted, and finally, gone to the temple, I would KNOW what we were supposed to do.

When we were first married, I relied on Brett to do this. He had been on a mission. He had more experience in understanding the promptings of the Spirit. I am now grateful that I have learned that the Lord will tell me anything I need to know. Otherwise, I would be just like I am when picking out paint color. Indecisive! What about this? Or maybe I should do this. Oh, I'll just wait. I don't know! Hmmm.

I knew as I left the temple on Saturday what we were supposed to do. I had specific thoughts come to my mind about why we have been able to stay in Bountiful for the last 10 years and why we are supposed to start a new life in California now. Instead of being dragged away prematurely, we have been blessed to stay here longer than we should have been able to given the tough job market. There is a reason we are moving. I'm not sure it has to do with the job even, though it may. It may have to do with our kids. Maybe Kate is supposed to be a surfer and she just can't do it without those So. Cal. breaking waves.

I am amazed at the emotions I am experiencing. Every other time we have moved, it hasn't been sad. We moved from BYU to Idaho for job #1. Not sad, because everyone graduates and moves. We moved from Idaho to Boston for grad school. Exciting, because we were getting out of cold Idaho where the wind blows the snow sideways into your face, and going to grad school! Great moving from Boston to Texas. Grad school was over and again, everyone was moving. Exciting moving from Texas to Utah, because we were coming home again. Kids would get to be with cousins, grandparents, etc. Ecstatic to move to Australia, because it was short. We knew we were coming back. Big vacation in my eyes.

BUT THIS.

THIS IS SO DIFFERENT.

I sat in the choir seats today at church. As we stood to sing, I knew I was in trouble. I was standing by one of my best friends, Kimi for starters who I hadn't seen yet. I couldn't look at her. We started to sing and I looked out in the congregation and faces jumped out at me. One after another of people I really loved. A lot. I could have gone through the entire congregation and each one of them has either taught my kids, been a scout leader, a young women leader, served with me in callings, been at my home eating dinner, been a visiting teacher, or cared for me when I was sick. Memories with everyone. I saw the teens and kids. I realized that I really love teens and kids, especially the ones in those seats. I started crying. I could barely hold it together. I didn't know what to do. I inched the folder up so it was pretty much covering my face and I stopped looking at anyone.

There are moments like that every day. I'll hear a song, or think of a person and the finality of this move just hits me. I am so so so grateful that I had that experience of an answer to my prayers, so I know this is the right thing. Just like with Kate, I can tell myself to look up. It's going to be ok.

Please please come visit me. I'll make you warm soup and have hot chocolate ready if you get in late from the drive or the flight. I'll put on some music and we'll chat until late in the night. We'll be too excited to sleep. The next day, we'll go for a walk in the sun, because it will be sunny there, and you could perhaps swim in our pool or we could go to the beach. I'll watch your kids when they're tired and you can go to Balboa Island or to see the Ellen show.

I'll pack a little lunch for you if you don't want to eat out while you're out and about. I'll put a chocolate on your pillow and change the bedding so it's ready for you, because you'll be pretty tuckered out after a long day at Disneyland. I'll make sure Kate gives you a smile, hug and kiss every night before she turns in. Finally, I'll send you on your way with some oranges that grow on our trees and a hug from each one of us. You won't be able to stay away.

THAT'S MY PLAN.