ITALY

Today I am missing Italy. I've never been there, but I miss it. I miss hearing the music floating out of the cafes and shops. I miss the Sistine Chapel and the gelato. I miss looking at the beautiful Italian women and men. I miss the pictures I would take. They'd be real artsy, because I'm kind of an artist in embryo. Italy is where I discover how artsy I am. I knew I was, but then I see the amazing photos I'm taking, I see my fine taste in art, and I realize, wow Erin, you are so artsy. I miss finding a secret map of Rome and saving all of the men in line to be pope right before they .... (Sorry-Angels and Demons. Good movie. Ewan McGregor had me fooled all the way until the end. He has such an honest face. I really liked him.)

I read the following poem once a year or so to remind me how glad I am that I'm not actually in Italy, riding the gondolas and sampling the pasta. I realize the silliness of even wanting to be there. I breathe a huge sigh of relief and then go do the laundry.

CONSOLATION

How agreeable it is not to be touring Italy this summer,
wandering her cities and ascending her torrid hilltowns.
How much better to cruise these local, familiar streets,
fully grasping the meaning of every roadsign and billboard
and all the sudden hand gestures of my compatriots.

There are no abbeys here, no crumbling frescoes or famous
domes and there is no need to memorize a succession
of kings or tour the dripping corners of a dungeon.
No need to stand around a sarcophagus, see Napoleon's
little bed on Elba, or view the bones of a saint under glass.

How much better to command the simple precinct of home
than be dwarfed by pillar, arch, and basilica.
Why hide my head in phrase books and wrinkled maps?
Why feed scenery into a hungry, one-eyes camera
eager to eat the world one monument at a time?

Instead of slouching in a café ignorant of the word for ice,
I will head down to the coffee shop and the waitress
known as Dot. I will slide into the flow of the morning
paper, all language barriers down,
rivers of idiom running freely, eggs over easy on the way.

And after breakfast, I will not have to find someone
willing to photograph me with my arm around the owner.
I will not puzzle over the bill or record in a journal
what I had to eat and how the sun came in the window.

It is enough to climb back into the car
as if it were the great car of English itself
and sounding my loud vernacular horn, speed off
down a road that will never lead to Rome, not even Bologna.

Billy Collins

LIFE

Maddie technically graduated from jr. high last night.





I was so proud of her. She really is becoming her own person. She knows what she likes and then works really hard. She looked beautiful. She has great grades, which makes me happy. Good grades open doors. I really believe that. Who knows what the doors will be to, but a bunch of them will be open.
She has had an art teacher this year really inspire her. I've always told her that art is her thing, that she has a gift, etc. but I think hearing it from someone who is an artist has finally validated that feeling in herself. I really appreciate good teachers. There are some great teachers out there who have connected with my kids and their interests; Spencer's AP Am. History teacher, one of Ali's dance teachers, Sydney's first grade teacher, etc. There are certain teachers who inspire kids to do better, to want to learn. I'm so grateful for them.Maddie with her art teacher

The high school choir concert is tonight; my favorite thing to go to as a parent. Our whole community seems to be there. I love seeing and talking to friends there. I love picking out the kids I know. I love listening to the music. I love that Spence isn't a senior, but just a junior. Please stop time. I love seeing him when he walks in for lunch unexpectedly, like he did today. One more window to ask how his day is going and laugh.Spencer with good friend Jackie after the choir concert

I saw a woman at the Jr. high yesterday who is one of those amazing women who just seem to have a lot of power and wisdom and spunk surround them. When you talk to them, you feel good, and you feel inspired. Well, I haven't seen her in a while and she asked me about Baby Kate. She had a son many years after her others. He is 12 now and all of her other kids are grown. She tearfully told me that my family thinks they are ready, but that my kids are not prepared for the 'intense love affair' they will have with this baby. The emotions they will feel will surprise them. She said having a late baby was the biggest gift/miracle that could have happened to their family. She said her high schoolers would miss lunch with friends to sneak home just to hold him for a few minutes. Now, he is the cool young uncle who her grand kids can't wait to see and look up to. I always leave from seeing her inspired in some way, wanting to be that kind of woman/wife/mother. 'How can I be more like that?' It makes me want to go to the temple more often, put people first instead of errands or selfish stuff. Finally, she makes me see the power of a really good, a really wise, a really fun, and a really righteous mother. The mother will shape generations. The mother will create traditions which will bind her family. The mother can teach her children to look up to their father by how she treats him. The mother can bless lives by being there, teaching, loving. The mother can create a reverence for God. I especially believe that the attitude the mother has about life is passed to her kids. Is it one of optimism? Thank you to this woman for being a light.

I also had a friend stop by yesterday and bring me a random pregnancy gift, because this in-tune friend thought I needed a little pick-me-up. She often does what I described above: focuses on people more than stuff. I realize that my need for my friends grows deeper as I get older. My mom also did something similar last weekend for both Maddie and for me. I am grateful for people who love me and can see when I'm struggling a touch. I'm grateful for Brett who found me water last night at the graduation when I knew I would pass out any minute. He found where they were stashing the treats for afterwards and then led me there, to sup on that glorious cold crystal pure water shooting out of the orange McDonald's round cooler. Super nice.

I'm going to clean the house while listening to the new Fastball CD which came out a few months ago. Love it so far, especially "All I Was Looking for Was You", "She's Got the Rain" and "Angelie" which makes me want to Tango. Well not right now. AWKWARD!-- sung, operatically, with the pitch 'awk' a litle higher than the pitch of 'ward!'

And So..

I just got back from the doc and I have LOST TWO POUNDS. This is over a month's time when I could have gained 4 pounds as I had been doing...4 lbs a month. So, really that's like a 6 pound difference. I felt hope. I felt, hey maybe by not letting myself gain so much weight, I won't have another 9'5 oz. baby! And maybe if I don't have a 9'5 baby (Ali and Syd, you know I'm talking about you two), then I won't have such a hard recovery. Maybe I won't have to lose so much weight after the baby either. Yeah, yeah, this could be good. I lost that weight even though I cheated and had one of Si's brownie cupcakes, which believe me was so browniish and the frosting just glides around your teeth and down your throat, well, like only really good chocolate frosting can do. BUT then I came home and made dinner with whole wheat pasta and lots of veggies in it and I really am craving squash and a spinach salad. huh. I'm about to peel an orange and have a cheese stick and just drink water.
My sister is off to visit Montana and my parents up there. She's in the middle of nowhere Wyoming right now. I want to go to Montana. Or somewhere away from here, just for the weekend maybe. Maybe I'll just have to decide to be happy here and find things to do with the people I love. I'd better start thinking... oh yeah.. LAURA OPEN YOUR POOL.

Paper Hug

My neice made this when my sister went to San Francisco this past weekend. She tucked it in her mom's suitcase so that she could have a hug if she missed her daughter. I don't know why, but this simple image touched me a lot. It's these little things that make me believe in the beauty of the human spirit, overriding all of the uncertainties and stresses of the current world. (Note to Paige: I need one of these to tape by my bed so I can look at it every day. Can you make Aunt Erin one?)

On the other hand...

Maybe apple green walls with white cabinets and cobalt blue, red accents??? That might be better. It has to be something happy, so when I go in there to do laundry I just want to stay all day, which I do anyway, but now I'd be happy about it. Hmmm, what to do, what to do.

The Nesting Has Begun

How weird is it that as soon as the last trimester begins, almost to the day, a woman starts feeling the urge to organize, to get things ready? I am still just as tired, waddling around slowly, etc. but I have decided that I not only have to completely redo our office to either move Sydney or Kate into, but I also for some reason compulsively feel like I have to redo our laundry room. I want to paint the walls a light blue/gray, paint the oak cabinets, which are nice, but outdated, maybe a buttery yellow and do accents in red and apple green. Surprise surprise. Doesn't sound like me at all does it?
Anyway, do I have any more energy to do this? Heck no. I'm just getting that urge that tells me that it absolutely has to be done or there will be some awful consequence; maybe Kate won't develop properly if her room isn't ready, maybe things will fall apart around here if we don't have those butter yellow cabinets. This will involve Brett. It usually goes like this. I get all the paint stuff, clean out the room and begin the process. OR I unscrew the cabinets, clear them out, get the paint, etc. I begin painting. It takes a long time. For this project, probably by the first time I bend over and feel my stomach tighten, Brett will feel compelled through guilt to come in and help me, and then finish the whole thing. Then I take credit for painting the room.
I'll take some before pics and post them when I can get my hands on a CAMERA!!!
What a great week this will be. 31 weeks and counting!

Artist of the Week:

ALISON KRAUSS

This is an artist who you either know about, like, and listen to, or you don't. The first moment I fell in love with her was when I heard her on the 'Oh Brother Where Art Thou' soundtrack. I love her unique voice. It has a very pure sound. I also love bluegrass and gospel and when she sang "Nobody but the Baby" with Emmy Lou Harris and Gillian Welch and "I'll Fly Away"....well, it was GOOD.
One time when my dad came to visit, he told me, "Erin, you've GOT to hear this song. Come get in my truck." Now, if you know my dad, that isn't a weird thing to say at all. His truck has a killer sound system and it's also away from everything else where a willingly captive me can just sit, close my eyes and listen. He proceeds to turn "Ghost in this House" extremely loud and we just sat and listened. Great song. Her voice is so haunting and pure, and there is great 3 part harmony in the chorus. It's also great, because it sounds like old country; not Garth or Brad or Tim country, but more Merle Haggard country. Love it.
Why do I love old country? Well, for starters, I have memories of listening to Merle and hearing my dad repeat every single line after he sang it...as if I hadn't heard the words the first time. Also, there are words like "You've already put big ol' tears in my eyes. Must you throw dirt in my face?" (face pronounced faaayce). How classic are those words? Finally, good country music is romantic. It makes me think of a cowboy, out riding horses and eating corn on the cob and homemade bread after his day's work on the farm. It reminds me of Montana and Wyoming and the real, down-to-earth people who live there. It makes me want to slow dance.
One more song of hers worth listening to...She did a duet with James Taylor as part of a tribute album to the Louvin Brothers. It is called "How's the World Treating You?" It is so sweet and I'm lucky that I get to sing it in my band.

Note to Media: WOMEN ARE DEEP INTELLIGENT BEINGS

Why do so many commercials make women seem so shallow and, well, stupid? Case #1: Tai Pan Decorating store. This particular commercial is interviewing women in their store, apparently losing their mind over the fact that they just got a plant or a ceramic dish for only $2.49!!! They look like they just won the lottery and gush on and on about how they CAN'T BELIEVE that there is such a place as Tai Pan which fulfills all of their dreams! Case#2. There is a commercial out for Kohl's department store which has women gossiping to each other that "she must have gotten it at Kohl's." There is no WAY that woman/coworker/friend could POSSIBLY look THAT CUTE for THAT CHEAP! They find out that every Friday night from 4-10 or something like that is a special sale and they WILL NEVER MISS IT AGAIN!!!!!!!! They NEED to look that adorable as well! Yippee oh!

In fact, most commercials make women seem shallow in my view. "How can I get the thickest lashes to woo my man? These thin ones just consume all my worry, because all I really am is my lashes.." or talking to the friend on the phone about the awesome yogurt flavors in her fridge...on and on about the various flavors...

I don't know any women like that. The women I know are raising families, running races, reading scriptures and praying to incorporate what they learn into actions, working part or full time, volunteering in schools, etc. They have to do and think about heavy things, important eternal things. They might buy a banana cream pie yogurt, or go to Tai Pan to buy a ceramic pitcher or plant and they might even go to Kohl's on an ocassional Friday night if hubby is out of town, but not with the frantic palpitating heart from excitement over getting a new blush color.
Give us some credit. Women, you rock and remember who you are. Don't let the media tell you.

Off to Ross, because I hear they have the greatest deals ever!!!! I just NEED a pair of new shoes to match my blush!!!!!

MOTHER'S DAY MOMENTS OF MEMORIES AND MANY MANY MORE MEMORIES AND MOMENTS OF MOTHER'S DAY

Everyone was so happy here. I love this one. We just always swing together randomly like this.
This will be me every day. I'll go get my book and head out there right now.
Brett with his great parents. They are good good people who are always there for my family and their son.
Mom and her three daughters. How come the oldest (me) is the shortest by far and is the last one pregnant? First one and last one. Why do both of my sisters have red hair right now?
My mom. I told her to smile, but she didn't believe me. A great lady and an even greater daughter.

Who would we be without our parents who taught us all they could, stayed with us through hard times? Cherish family ties. Create traditions. I was happy that this year, when Brett made each of the kids go around the table and say one thing they love about me or memory of me, that they were all good. Last year, we watched a DVD made for Brett's sister's 40th birthday at home. Her kids were saying that she always says "remember who you are., etc." --all of these good things. I asked the kids, "What do I always say?" pause, can't wait to hear this... Then someone said, "You always say....I'm going to have to hurt you." I laughed, because if you know me, then you know that I DO always say that. If someone teases me, I am going to have to hurt them, etc. So this year, I luckily didn't get any of that...
Brett's mom told us of the time that Brett was asking a girl to prom and he rented a gorilla suit and sent her on a scavenger hunt telling her to go to the local elementary school and wait outside. (He was a janitor there at this time). She is standing there, and some bananas come down from the roof on a rope with a note somewhere inside. As she is reading it and he is about to jump off the roof in the gorilla suit, the police pull up and surround him. Someone had called the fuzz on him. I don't think he was fired, but the gorilla was a tad embarrassed. As if he shouldn't already have been embarrassed. I'm glad he never pulled this on me when we were dating or I don't know if my last name would be Blake today.
Oh surprise, Sydney just called from school and doesn't feel well. She wants me to come get her, because she is coughing. That girl.

It's Great To Be a MOTHER

Happy Mother's Day!!

I got German pancakes with strawberries, the best cards and book from Syd, and a zero gravity lounge chair for my backyard, which I know I will spend a LOT of time in this summer. It is perfect. The best gift I got was my entire family working all day yesterday spring cleaning the house and yard. I told them that's all I wanted. (They hate comments like that). So, we did our windows in and out. It's weird how they don't look dirty until you do the outside and then they look so brilliant. We organized, threw out, cleaned--it was so great. I worked right until 7 pm when we headed up to a family barbecue. It will finish Monday (I like to stretch the holidays involving me out a few days) when we will plant our veggie garden for FHE. The kids will be so enthusiastic and appreciate the skills they are learning. Well, maybe someday.

Big news, since it was Mother's Day, I had a piece of TEXAS SHEET CAKE, THE BEST DESSERT EVER KNOWN TO MAN. Wow, there is nothing better than Texas Sheet Cake, not even brownies or maybe even cookies. Those two might tie. Anyway, maybe that's why I can blog this morning. Happy Day. I get to practice singing with the Young Men, which includes my son, who will be singing in sacrament meeting to their moms. I love when the young men sing. It seems I always get to be involved with teaching the song to them, which I really love. Dinner with Brett's mom, dessert with mine, calling my stepmom. It will be a good day. I already got a back scratch from everyone at the same time. It was a complete puppy dog moment. Rudy just looked at us as if to say, "hey! I'm the dog here. Where's the love?"

Happy mother's Day to my mom, who gave me every essential thing I needed growing up, mostly keeping me on the path which helped me to make choices which have resulted in the blessings I have today. Thank you forever mom for that. We could have had a very different life had you not been willing to shape our direction and focus at great personal sacrifice. Love you!

A DREARY SUGARLESS WORLD

I am now day 8 into my sugarless life. I am having a hard time having enough energy, life, purpose, purpose in life, to blog. It's just so hopeless right now. Maddie cruelly made choc chip cookies and they are sitting on the stove in a see-through plastic tub. See through. Brett ate one in front of me before he went to work this morning. He even smiled when I looked at him pathetically. Sydney got a Sprite in her kids meal at lunch. The sweet nectar drifted to my nostrils, and the soft sucking sound as it went tingling down her throat tore me to the core.

Hopefully, this will be temporary. I hope to blog again soon. It might take until I surprisingly and happily look at the doctor's scale next appointment and realize I'm not gaining as much prego weight. It might take until I can find a good sugar substitute and enjoy guava cookies. It might take until I want to eat squash and spinach salads until I'm satiated. It might happen. Otherwise, don't be disappointed if you don't see a blog in a while. I think I'll go curl up in the fetal position on my couch for a while. Facing the back. The rest of you, have a great day.