What's The Deal With Pregnancy?

This is what I'm questioning. Why make pregnancy so hard on the mother to be? She has just made a HUGE decision about bringing another life into this world (at this time a very scary world) and has taken that leap of faith. Then, whamo!-she starts throwing up. For 2 to 3 months. She loses all sense of her past reality and becomes a shell, if you will, of her former self.

Next comes the exhaustion. Every pregnant mom experiences this. It's like someone has secretly set up an invisible IV loading her full of a sleep drug and she can't figure why everything seems so hard. Walking to the fridge--yup, just give her a minute. Changing a load of laundry, as soon as she can make her legs walk over there and brace to lift all of those clothes. Going to the grocery store is like asking her to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. Walking around there for an hour, loading the car, unloading the car, etc. She could fall asleep an hour after waking up if the opportunity arises.

We must include the loss of self esteem as all of her clothes stop fitting, then maternity clothes, then those getting tight. Will she ever look the same again? How much longer is she going to be expanding? Will this "maternity" shirt even make it until the end? Can her stomach get any bigger without literally exploding she asks at only 6 months. The answer, as any mother will say, is "oh yes it can. And it will."

Finally, the aches and pains. She might get throbbing in her legs, she might swell up, she might get vericose vains, she might get heartburn, and she might have fake contractions. Her hip might dislocate in the night as she tries to turn over, not to mention the ever-so-prevalent charlie horses. She stops sleeping at night the last trimester. She doesn't want to complain about this situation that is completely dominating her thoughts, her body. She tries to not notice when her husband gives a look like- do you really need to be sitting or lying down AGAIN? He just wants her back too, poor guy. (which could spawn an entirely new topic. Why can't a guy get pregnant just once? I mean- besides that weird guy who really did. Let's skip over him. Maybe the loss of the husband's wife, his former wife, during these 9 months is enough preparation for the father too.)

SO, Why? Is it so that she will "appreciate" the new baby? What's not to appreciate?!! Don't you think she will appreciate this gift so much more if it came after 2 months, or maybe just after the decision? The mother will be fresh, have lots of energy for this new little one... Does it have to do with Eve? Is she somehow responsible for this "labor" by eating that stinkin fruit? Otherwise, motherly bliss? I'd like to be the first to sign up for an experiment. Just let me have this baby without the pregnancy and let's see if I can love her as much. I want to be the guinea pig. I promise, I promise, I will!

Not that I am thinking about these things. I wish I could be pregnant 24/7. It's just so great. So so great. Sign me up again and again...

disclaimer: the author of this blog post has experienced the above 4 times already. The only reason to put herself through this is because being a mother of a child is absolutely the greatest gift she has ever been given. She cannot wait for Baby Kate to bless her life and each of her family members. They will be seriously lovin this little girl. Then the author is sure she will easily get her energy, former fit body, and ability to sleep back.

MUSIC AND BLOGS

I was so excited to put the music gadget on my blog since I love music so much. Of course I would have music playing on my blog! I've tried it and, well, as my friend Eric Belnap says, "here's the deal."

I couldn't take it! I am always already listening to music when on the computer. I had to hurry and push pause on my own blog music so I could focus on reading or writing. I never once listened to it....or any other blog music gadget for that matter. I'd click on the blog, push pause, then begin reading.

SO-- I might just have to write about what I'm listening to time and again, instead of actually playing it here.

1st item of business... On American Idol tonight, my woman, Joss Stone is performing with legend Smokey Robinson. How sweet is that??!! Joss Stone has the voice that I dream about having; sings in the style I wish I could. She's also British, beautiful and six feet tall, always barefoot, thin, young, funky, but who notices that? Certainly not 5'2", mother of almost 5, me. Anyway, I hope she doesn't disappoint tonight!! Go Joss!! I'm a tad excited to watch her.

SNOW DAY

So, I'm declaring today a snow day. Not just because it is snowing, at the end of March, but because it is a sunless snow, a wet snow, a cold snow. I'm drinking my hot choc and had some frosted mini wheats. Sydney didn't go to school today. It was a snow day. She is in bed sleeping. I haven't let her do this for quite a while, though she asks every day and has ever since she entered kindergarten. "Can't I just stay home today??!!"

UPDATE:

I'm going to pick up Rudy at animal control today! Someone turned him in and I'm sure he has made friends with all of the dogs and is having a grand ol' time, but he is coming home!! I'm so so glad he is there. Hopefully Brett will now see the wisdom of the tried and true shock collar which works so well! (ok Brett. I won't say anything more about it:)

Oh, some have been asking about Syd and if she made it home as well. She actually made it to the bottom of the circle before turning around and coming home. I was there at the door with a 'welcome back' and a hug. I told her that she still had to go to her room for disobeying (which was the punishment that drove her to the streets in the first place) but that I'd go in with her. That was a total trick, because we went through every single thing/piece of clothing in that room and cleaned it, organized it, etc. She was wiped out. I was happy.

I'm reading a great book called Sarah's Key, about the spring of 1942 and the roundup of nearly 13,000 Jews in France by the french police at the Velodrome d'hiver. It is quite disturbing, but another insight into the holocaust from the french point of view. Very sad. Hunger Games was also really good-totally different. I say I don't like science fiction. It's not because I've read it and don't like it; I just don't think I'll like it, so I don't read it. Lord of the Rings should be called Bored of the Rings. wow. that's funny. Anyway, Hunger Games I loved. It was an easy read, maybe a 2 dayer. Takes place in the future, after the earth's complete collapse and rebuild. Of course. Nothing screams sci fi like a story set after the earth's ruin.

I'm playing for 4 teenage boys trying out for choir at the high school today. It's kind of funny to me that they want me to play, know I will, and then don't even pick a stinkin song until the night before at my house, maybe 9-10pm the night before. For my son, Ben, we went through, I don't know- 15 songs and nothing seemed right. His mom is out of town so more weight is on me to help choose. ugh. My son Stephen sounded great. He's only trying out to make his mom, Si, happy. Spencer, of course, sounded SO GOOD!! ok. JK! I know that sounded obnoxious. They also don't tell me when their actual audition time is so that it's anybody's guess if I can make it or not. "I do have a life!" I tell them, but they really know I'll drop things to play for them.

More tryouts for the school musical for my daughter and her friends in two days. We'll go through the same thing tomorrow night for them. Spencer and Maddie trying out for officer, Ali for cheerleader. All in the same week. I'm trying out for the most tired pregnant woman. I hope I make it!!!! I think I really have a chance this year!!!!!

Seriously Hormonal Day

These donuts hit the spot.

My friend, Si, has the best cooking blog and when I saw these donuts on her blog, I had to try them. They were so easy and we had fun making them and eating them for family night. She also has a good taco salad that I make a lot. If you don't have time to broil the chicken, you can use good, crisp cut up chicken nuggets too. Check out her blog at abountifulkitchen.blogspot.com.

Yesterday was weird though. We lost Maddie's permanent retainer that popped out of her mouth THE DAY the ortho put it in. Rudy ran away. He was right with Brett, but Brett didn't put his shock collar on, assuming that Rudy would not leave. After all, Brett was RIGHT THERE. You know how men can't really multitask? Well, I think Brett forgets he is out there and is focusing on shoveling or whatever and Rudy literally tiptoes away. I know, because I've seen it before. I'm sick about it.

Sydney also ran away. Here is a photo of her slowly walking down our circle with head down and a packed bag in front of her. Long story, but she felt it was her only choice. When Ali asked why she was running away, her answer was just an agonizing, "I have to." That actually cheered me up from the rest of the day. I was laughing as I was taking the picture.

Seriously hormonal day. I was so mad we have to replace that dang retainer. Maddie put it "safely" in an empty ziploc sandwich bag and left it on the island without me knowing. The retainer is a little wire-- that's it. You can't even SEE it, let alone know not to throw away what you assume is an empty used sandwich bag. UGH!!!! I'm still mad!!!!

OK. New day. Hopefully I'll find Rudy. I'm mad at him too. Why can't he appreciate being all warm inside the house with kids petting him and food waiting for him? Why is it such a game to him? Why Rudy Whhhhhyyyyy?

DEEP THOUGHTS

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Who's idea was it to put an 'S' in the word lisp?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart, why do we say, "It's all right." Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That really hurt. Why don't you watch where you're going?"

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something to eat will have materialized?

Pregnancy and Flower Beds Don't Go Together

Um yeah, so my great plans for working in the flowerbed went like this. Park, check. Sloppies and salad, check. New book, check. Working in the flowerbed while pregnant, OW. I don't think babies in utero like being suspended upside down while the mother is bending over weeding flowers. Ouch Ouch Ouch. So, I'm thinking my yard might take a hit this spring and summer. I know, I have 4 capable kids, but if you don't LOVE your earth, YOUR very own flowers YOU personally planted, I think the flowers can tell. They rebel against reluctant weeders and waterers and don't look nearly as good. I would. I'd be all, "sure you're watering me because you have to. Someone told you too. I want someone with me that actually wants to be here, wants the best for me. Someone who likes to help me without even gloves on and then plumps up the dirt around me all lovingly-tucking me in." I'd be a total finicky flower, really needy and so looking forward to my alone time with the gardener. But, maybe I'd be so vain as to think- well I guess I'm going to have to step it up this summer. There's no way I'm not going to try my best to still look and feel good, even though I'm all pregnant....oh wait. We're talking about flowers.

The Sun, The Sun!

I've got short sleeves and a light knee-length skirt on. I'm going to work in my flowerbed and make sure my legs get the sun that is shining down today. I'm going to take my little niece to the park (since I can't take Kate yet) and I'm going to pick a brand new good book to begin reading.

I'm going to make sloppy joes for dinner since I'm babysitting 4 extra nieces and nephews and I need something easy! All kids love sloppies. I'll make a good salad to go with them though-- with my favorite avocado, fresh tomatoes and feta cheese. yum. Maybe some mandarin oranges or sliced strawberries. Yes, strawberries, apples, mandarin oranges and poppy seed dressing.

I think I'll go to Parson's bakery or Dicks and get a mint brownie. I want one today. The hot chocolate I'm sipping on at the moment will be out of my system by afternoon, so that will hit the spot. Maddie will probably make choc chip cookies after dinner tonight, because none of them will even know that I had a mint brownie before they are home from school. They will need a little choc too.

Brett designed a website last night. Figured out what the code was, which looks like Chinese to me, and then changed it to fit what he wanted. He's now done this about 6 or 7 times. I've decided that his brain works unlike anyone else I know. He's always thinking outside the box, about the most complex things that amaze me. The things he is doing with his business are so complex, problematic that I don't know how he does it. I feel so simple and right brained when he talks to me about things he is having to solve. He is kind of like Superman. He can do anything.

Off to my flowers and the park.

The Best Dog Ever. Rudy.

Spence named him after the guy in the movie Rudy who was little but had spirit. Rudy's legs are, well they're really short and his paws point out like he's a ballet dancer.

He's mellow, really mellow. We always hope there is nothing wrong with him, because he mostly just likes to lie down all day and get scratched. He's so gentle. He sleeps with Sydney, lets her love him.

This musing about Rudy brings me to a related topic. I've always told my family that before this life, I know I was a black gospel singer living in the South. If there were such a thing as reincarnation (which I know I know, there isn't) I know I was a gospel singer. I was black, because I'm sorry, white singers just don't have it like that. There's not enough soul. The british singer Joss Stone is an exception. Check her out in itunes and you'll know what I'm saying. Anyway, why else do I love that music so much? Not just love, but really at a base level, feel it deeply. What is the other explanation?

Well, two nights ago, I had another aha moment. The other thing I love is to be scratched, like a puppy dog. I completely stop, get paralyzed and could stay there as long as the scratcher is willing. My mom and sister Kelly are the best scratchers due to nails. Brett is the best scratcher, because he will just keep scratching as long as I faintly twitch, which is the most subtle request:) I know that's why Brett is Rudy's favorite member of the family. In Chicago, I would be sitting by my mom or Kelly and one of them would lightly start scratching my back. Then, like a second later, would say, "ok. Let's go." Well, that doesn't work too well with me. I won't be "ready to go" anytime soon. I actually would need ice cold water poured on me at that moment to be "ready to go." It's heaven. Right now my skin is all itchy and tingly just writing about it.

Anyway, which brings me to my reincarnation musing which is so related to this post about Rudy. I realized that in my former life, I was actually a DOG living with baptist gospel singers in the south. I'm pretty sure that has to be it.

We Can Never Catch the Little Guys!

They are so darn sneaky! We've tried for years, but they always just slip out of our traps. This year was probably the closest we've come to catching a leprechaun. We actually got a shoe. He's probably missing it about now. Sydney always seems to get candy out of the deal even though the leprechaun knows she's just trying to catch him.

Here is the trap Sydney came up with this year. The board is laced with vaseline so that when he grabs the money, he'll slide in the trap. The cup has a string attached to a cup in her room so she'll hear when the trap snaps in her sleep. Well, she woke up this morning (at 6a.m.) hearing the trap slam shut. She was afraid to get out of her bed, but luckily, we were up already and heard her screaming our names in whisper tones. Well, the jar was totally spilled out, but he didn't get any money, and left no candy. Hm..... I told her that I bet he was interrupted by dad coming home from an early morning walk with Rudy and that he was probably still in the house somewhere since no doors were open. So, she is hoping that when she comes home in an hour, he will have tried again.

I came home from the store about an hour ago, and you'll never believe what I found. That's right. HE CAME BACK. This time, Syd got candy in her boot she put out...and we got his little green shoe. There were footprints in the vaseline and money spilled all the way out. He even lifted the window open and we found some money dropped out of the front tree.

NEXT YEAR!

You Did WHA????

I have a son. A really great 17 year-old son. I can't express how much I love this kid. He's funny, always brightens the room. He's happy pretty much all of the time. He always hugs me when he comes home, good hugs, not obligatory ones and calls me mama which makes me get all happy. He has a really obedient nature, which has been a great comfort to me and he tells me stuff that most boys probably leave out in conversations with their moms. He has picked really good friends, which I know is so huge at this stage in his life. I love every one of his friends.

So, for the last 6 months or so, he has been warning me that one of these days, he is going to dye his hair black. He is quite fair like his dad, and I have tried to point this out to him, telling him it will look gothic or rebellious or any other thing I could think of to talk him out of it. Then he would tell me that he just wants to do it once, that he's good and not doing other things I should be WAY more worried about, etc. etc. and that he is telling me in advance out of respect to me, so it won't be an act of rebellion. In essence, "mom just RELAX!"

So it happened last Friday. His friends all came to the house after school, even though Spence wasn't here. That doesn't happen ALL of the time, but a lot, so I didn't think anything of it. I just enjoyed them and fed them. Well, they knew that at that EXACT MOMENT, my son was dripping the blackest, jet black die into his light brown hair. No one told me. They just were waiting for him to call or come home.

When I finally saw it, I have to admit it made me sad. He didn't look like little Spencer, but more like a very pale older teen with stark black hair. However, it didn't look quite as bad as I had feared either. Not great, but not too bad. I have "highly encouraged" him to wear lots of light clothes and smile a lot so it won't look too glum.

Seriously, having a teenage boy, first child, is a great and worrisome thing. I feel like I'm always trying to save him from any possible thing that might harm him in life. I'm worried about his future and has he learned to work hard enough, I'm worried about how he treats others and if he is kind at school, I worry about the language all around him and beg him not only not to swear, but not to speak crudely. Be more creative and find a better way to express yourself. I worry about his spiritual growth and is he developing his own testimony strong enough to weather trials. I guess I'm glad he isn't dating anyone, because that would be a whole new realm of worries. He of course, tells me to relax, that it's ok. He's in high school and can do some crazy things and it will be ok, like dye his hair, or wear flourescent short shorts picked up at the DI to all of his priest basketball games, because they're "lucky". Up to this point in his life, he has given me nothing but good and obedience and laughter. I love the boy. Except the dang black hair.....

I'm Feeling Mellow Tonight

I have two states of mind. I'm either really happy and want to be around people and the world is good and I am laughing and my cheeks are all glowy and I can stay up all night talking or laughing. OR... I like being by myself and thinking and having quiet time with my hot chocolate and my blanket and either some music or a movie and I don't want to share that time with anyone and I can even get to feeling a bit melancholy. Excuse all of those ands.

I usually need both of those states of mind in any given day. I am never melancholy for days at a time, just perhaps a few hours. I'm never full of energy for long periods of time either. I loved watching Ali dance last night and tonight. I love dance and watching the beauty of the human body moving in beautiful ways mixed with....ah.......music. I'm so glad she loves it. She is beautiful.

The Year Was 1980

I was in the 5th grade. My best friends were Alisa Smith, Jennifer Fotheringham, Moe Holmes and Debbie Griffiths. We had knickers and leg warmers, homemade ribbon barrettes and rainbow shirts. Feathered hair and painter pants. ELO was one of my favorite bands. Solid Gold was a favorite show. Olivia Newton John was hot due to her role in Grease. We went to the roller skating rink every Saturday hoping to find love during the Snowball.

Xanadu arrived in theatres. How could a young girl resist all of these aforementioned things put together in one movie? We went to it with sisters, then girlfriends, then went again. We bought the soundtrack and pictured ourselves skating to ELO and saving mortals like Olivia did. (The music playing is from that classic B movie)

Fast forward to Mar. 2009. My mom, sisters and I get to go to Chicago. Kelly's awesome husband, Zach, got 2 tickets to Oprah and gave them to Kelly. She gave the other one to me, because I'm sometimes, well all of the time, really vocal about things I want to do. I have a big checklist of experiences I want to do and have before I die, and seeing Oprah in person was one of them. Kelly and Zach knew the ticket would not be wasted on Miss Erin.

The day FINALLY came! We were going! Mom and Misty came too hoping for some standby chance of seeing the icon as well and they were not disappointed. We all got to go. Kelly and I went to a Dr. Oz show on "extreme life extension" and Misty and mom went to a live Friday taping and got free Snuggie blankets with arms. They also saw Oprah's new puppy.

Oprah, Oprah. In real life, she looks like she does on TV. She was going barefoot, because high heels are painful for her to wear. She liked all of the bright colors we audience members were wearing. She especially likes orange on TV. She has a really cool set. Dr. Oz says we will be able to regenerate body parts very soon. If you lose an ear in an accident, you will be able to use your own cells to grow another one. He says if you restrict your calories, you will live longer and be healthier. Hmm, interesting idea. Oprah, thank you. May you stay a billionaire and have fun with your girlfriend Gayle forever and ever. May you lose all the weight you want to and keep enjoying the cashmere sweaters I know you love. May all of your dreams come true.

We ate, shopped and talked lots.



(at Ghirardelli's Chocolate Store)

The other highlight of the trip ties in the beginning of this post. We saw XANADU!!! Wohoo!!! The Broadway touring musical was in Chicago. It was the BEST. She was wearing ribbon barrettes, skating throughout, and spoke with an over-the-top Australian accent just like Olivia. Ok, way more obnoxious than Olivia. A stage crew member even held a fan on stage so she could stand by it and her dress be all windblown. It was so funny. Every song beckoned me back to 1980. The only way it could have been better was if my friend Melinda Welch could also have been in the audience so I could hear her belly laugh throughout. She would have LOVED it.

Thank you Zach for helping me check off one of my bucket list items! Next...going under the bridge of Sighs in Venice, Italy at sunset while the clock is chiming and kissing Brett so our love will last forever. I'm pretty sure I have to do this, as local legend has it, if I want it to last forever, otherwise we'll probably have no guarantee. Italy is beckoning me. I also want to have a bucket list recital where I can play the Rachmaninoff duet my grandma wanted to play with me before she died, but couldn't and then invite all of my other extremely talented friends to share something too. Be watching for it. I also want to have a tail-end baby who I can just love to death. Maybe a little girl to keep me company as I age (good thing I'm not aging at all yet) and who will snuggle with me when I'm sad about my missionary son being gone in a short year and a half. A little girl named Kate. OH WAIT--this one is happening! I'm so excited to meet and love this little girl.

So This Is How It Went Down

Yesterday, I opened my fridge door. This is what I found.


A bloody knife on the almost empty choc milk container. You can imagine my fear. Someone was definitely sending a message. I was shaking in my boots. A bloody knife is pretty serious. Almost supernaturally brave, I picked up the container and found this on the other side.

Well, now I knew who the warning was from. There was the added skull and crossbones. It was from Sydney. Now I at least knew it wasn't from men infiltrating my semi-safe home. I think her message will be taken very seriously by her 17 year-old brother, for one. He won't dare drink the rest of it.Don't mess with her warnings.

One of my favorite poets

DAYS

Each one is a gift, no doubt,

mysteriously placed in your waking hand

or set upon your forehead

moments before you open your eyes.

Today begins cold and bright,

the ground heavy with snow

and the thick masonry of ice,

the sun glinting off the turrets of clouds.

Through the calm eye of the window

everything is in its place

but so precariously

this day might be resting somehow

on the one before it,

all the days of the past stacked high

like the impossible tower of dishes

entertainers used to build on stage.

No wonder you find yourself

perched on the top of a tall ladder

hoping to add one more.

Just another Wednesday

you whisper,

then holding your breath,

place this cup on yesterday's saucer

without the slightest clink.

• Billy Collins

What's up with San Diego?

It was sooo nice. Every time I visit San Diego, I have the same thought. Why don't I live here? Why doesn't every American move here? I'm jealous of the older couples walking hand in hand alongside me down the marina, knowing they probably do this every weekend if not every morning before work. This yacht outside my hotel window is probably theirs. They can just hop on it and go boating whenever they want.

Outside the hotel window

The young moms walking on Coronado beach by me, probably just dropped by with their young one just before nap time to tucker him out. No big deal-let's pop by the beach for a little walk before snuggle time in our place with no AC and all the windows open. Dad will probably be home shortly after because of his short bike commute.

THE BEACH. I'm not too knowledgeable on energy zones, holistic stuff, but there has to be something about being next to the water, the waves coming in and out, walking barefoot on sand that HAS to be very beneficial to your health. There HAS to be something good, despite skin cancer warnings, about letting the sun touch and warm your skin. I so crave it. I rented a car our last day there while Brett was in meetings and drove myself to Coronado just to hear the water and touch the sand and feel the sun.

Gotta protect the faceThe baby needed some sun. She was kicking to tell me thank you.

The rest of the trip is illustrated in the next two photos. Brett worked and had a very productive trip. It was fun to watch him do his thing, talk to the docs and connect with people. His presentation was so good. I slept, um let's see..slept and then just took a little nap. I watched a movie in bed, took many a walk along the yacht-filled marina and then pretty much ate, after which I slept. The things I have to do for this little growing baby! Whatever I have to do, I'll do.

Why don't we all live here? (cost of living, yeah,yeah...)

Little Italy. Had some rockin lasagne and pastries.