Beautiful Baby Girl For Me

I need to get this post over with. I have so many emotions, not quite knowing how to express them that I have just waited to post.

I love her. I am in love with her. How could my life have ever been complete without her? Without beautiful baby Kate? She's soft and smells so good. These past almost two weeks have seemed like two days. It still feels so new, getting used to each other and trying to get a healthy body back.

I have loved seeing my kids with her. This morning, I handed her to one of the girls and said, "I need a nap." 2 hours later, I woke up. I saw Ali sleeping with her in her arms. Last night, Brett had to go get her from Maddie's bed where she was lying on her chest. Spence walks in and asks, "where's my baby?" and then holds her so tenderly. Sydney is not jealous, but feels joint ownership with me. Brett takes her on early morning walks in her stroller, always bathes her and hands her to me fresh and clean.

I promise I'll get back to writing about random musings, but humor me for a bit. I've got to get it down while I'm feeling it. Two sweet songs about parenting. 1-Taylor Swift's beautiful song. Don't know what it's called, but it's on her new album. I love it. It is a tribute to her parents and she wrote it herself. I like that about Taylor Swift. She's got songwriting chops at such a young age. I've tried to write, and it's HARD. 2- Believe it or not, Miley Cyrus has a song called Butterly Fly Away. It's from the soundtrack of her Hannah Montana movie. I can't believe I'm recommending this, but it is also tres sweet. or muy sweet. or plain old really sweet.

Brett is in California tonight. I am scared to do tonight without him. Nights are pretty long sometimes with the li'l one and I've had some feeding woes. It helps so much just to know I'm not alone in this. Not even at 3 a.m. It's 11 p.m. and I'm already exhausted. One look at Kate's little face and one smell of her neck and I'm awake though. And Happy.

THE DAY BEFORE

Here I am the day before delivery. Don't we all have to have a picture like this? This was taken by my friend Laurie today who coaxed me into seeing Harry Potter as a pre-delivery calming activity.

Weeks before: Forever to wait. It will never come.

Days before: Wait! I have to actually have this baby come OUT. Nervousness at what could go wrong, what I have left to do.

Day before: Calm. Peace. Excitement. Whatever isn't done doesn't really matter. Clear, more eternal perspective.

I'm thankful for the women in my ward for giving me a ward shower and literally showering me with cute girl things. I am thankful for all of the help from Brett's parents and family this last week with the flood, baby's closet, moving things, etc. I'm thankful for my mom's help by taking Sydney today, and running last minute errands for me. I am thankful for my kids for their hard work the last few weeks. I'm especially thankful for Brett who is steady and sure. He just moves ahead, keeps perspective, and helps me to see the eternal rather than temporal things. I'm thankful for this quiet little town with its sunsets down the hill and the people who live here. I'm thankful to live blocks from the temple and the power and peace I feel when I go there. See you in a few..

erin noelle

Could Someone Pass Me A Wet Vac?

Flooded basement, leaky roof and moldy windows, all in preparation for the big day I guess. The house was feeling left out. "Hey," said the garage, "don't even think you can not pay attention to me and not have to pay."

"Yeah," said the roof. "You can't just focus on your baby's room like it's all that matters. We have needs too. I'll seep rain in your house while you are sleeping until your paint starts to peel and you have a major project on your hands." The outside drain adds in, "Look. If you don't routinely clear me out, you never know when the water will just come back out and into your warm, dry home. Yup, when that sprinkler breaks, you'll see."

The wasps and bees must be also gathering for the big day. They've invited all of their family and friends from near and far to set up their nests and move in our slide, basketball standard, under the roof, and in our ball box and coordinated their family reunion to coincide with Kate's arrival.

It's a party over here. At least everyone is back home today. I have my teen driver and babysitters back, my hard-working-husband-who-doesn't-stop-until-it-is-done back, and I am working! Putting all of those dashes in there was fun.

This is about the time when I realize for the first time-- oh man. I really have to go through with this labor thing. No matter what. There is no turning back. Luckily, it is usually the best day. I am pain free and just amazed at what a miracle it is to have a baby and then wonder how you already love it more than anything in the world after 5 minutes. It's so weird how that instantly happens. BUT, you really have no control over what happens during labor or what might go wrong. You just have to get yourself to the hospital and the rest will just happen. That's it.

It is amazing to me, though, that even when we go through these rougher times in our life, that life is still somehow really really good. You can still laugh. You can be totally exhausted and still be glad that you are surrounded by the people you are surrounded by. You know it will peak back up, because you've been through it before. You just endure and you stay happy. I'm grateful for my family for being happy people. Even when Spence and Brett were hauling out wet carpet pad and sanding mud getting white with dust, etc. they weren't grumbling or yelling at each other....or me.

I was at my friends' home the other day and it reeked. I mean, it was so awful. They thought it might be a sewer leak or a dead animal. They finally found that the father, who will remain nameless (E. Belnap or Eric B.) had left out a big bag of chicken in the storage room. I never knew chicken could smell so bad. While this was happening, it was just funny. No stress or blaming. Just funny. I love that. Life's too short to snip at your spouse--or your kids.

OK. Back to it. It's only 7.p.m. on a Sat. night. We've got plenty of time to put it all back together before the sabbath day. Right?

Hauling Hay and Late Nights

Cousin sleepover. Hannah Montana pajamas, reading stories until late, showers for all, awake by 6:30. Smoothies and pancakes.

Maddie at EFY. She says this year, they have the cutest, tallest boys in the whole session in their group. They also have Jason Hall as session director who was a great friend of Brett's in BYU student government. She is with cousin Katie (they have wanted to go together for years) and they also have two friends in their group who will go to Bountiful High with Maddie this coming year (but who went to a different jr. high) who she loves. Oh, and apparently the best counselors in the session and the cutest room ever. How fun to be her age at EFY. I was a counselor, but never got to go as a teen. It is so great at combining social fun and strength of kids all over the country who share your beliefs, with classes, activities to build your testimony. Awesome experience.

Spencer hauled 167 bales of hay last night. He said it was one of the hardest things he has ever done. Long shirts don't help, spiders on him, itchy, exhausted, 3 1/2 hours of pure misery. I am grateful for my friend Eric for giving Spence and his son the opportunity to do that. I'm glad it wasn't me, but every teenage boy needs some experiences like that. Hauling hay. Sweet.

Ali's ballet teacher yelled at her a lot yesterday. You just will never believe this, but she made Ali cry :) She's pretty brutal. She told Ali that if she can't get "over her point" she might as well rip off her toe shoes. So, she did and had to do the rest of the class without them. She has to go today and is dreading, dreading it. This ballet pointe class is kind of like Spencer's hauling hay experience, I pointed out to her. Think how good it will be for her if she sticks with it.

Brett off to scout camp for 3 days. It is 3 hours away and I am a week away from having this baby. Hmmmm, I thought as I saw him packing up the tent, scout shirt, pocket knife. "Now if I go into labor, you want me to reach you how? The cell phones don't work out there? What is this camp called again? No prob. I just won't go into labor," I confidently say. What are the chances? Going into labor a week early? Never happens, I'm sure.

I get to go to my own baby shower tomorrow. I feel way too old to have friends throw one for me, feeling a little guilty over it all. It is true, though, that the closer it gets, the more grateful I am for it, because I have NO baby stuff anymore. I never would have thought after having Sydney 8 years ago that I would be having a baby shower tomorrow for an ACTUAL BABY that I WOULD HAVE with MY OWN BODY. Wow. I'm grateful for a Creator who guides me in my life. I know this is the right thing for our family. Maybe I didn't do it right the first 4 times and this is my last chance. Maybe I just was too busy in the middle of 4, that this is a bonus experience for me to just enjoy one. Maybe it is a gift to my older kids. Maybe she has been waiting in heaven to come to my family for a long time and was just about to give up hope. I was a little stubborn. Whatever the reason, I'm ready now Baby Kate.

Remember the summer cousin sleepover with the smoothies and pancakes? Well, turns out, I am responsible for making them and Paige just came in and said she was "HUNGWY and TIYERD" so I'd better get going. I'm hoping they all like whole wheat pancakes with sugar free syrup. (They'll never notice the difference, right?) YUM!

Musings on the 4th

Why is it that food tastes so much better at family get togethers? The sticky buns are so sticky with the crusted-on brown sugar and butterscotch. The hashbrowns are toasted just right. The fruit is bigger than usual and especially the pineapple is sweeter than you ever remember it. The bacon, the eggs with peppers, onions and salsa, the chocolate milk, juice, ice cold water.

Maybe it's the fact that everyone is lined up to get some, the smell permeating the house. Maybe it's all of the kids underfoot trying to get the "good stuff" before it's gone. Maybe it's because no one had to make it all--things always taste better when someone else makes it. Maybe it's because everyone is wearing red, blue and white. No, that probably has nothing to do with it.

July 4th. I think it is important for children growing up to know that there are traditions every year. For us, it is the big breakfast, water parade and then Park City fireworks at night. This year, I'm skipping out on the parade. Spence and I are about to drive home for some feet up time, and I'm not just saying that figuratively. Feet literally up at 38 weeks. He just came in from playing tennis with Uncle Gordon which is another good reason for family get togethers. My 17-year-old just played tennis with his 60-something :) uncle, and apparently got it handed to him on the court by the same said 60-something uncle. That's good for a boy.

At family gatherings, we get to hear about someone's trip to Senegal, someone's victory of their house selling this week, someone's dating and moving plans, someone retelling Brian Reegan. We get to listen to grown brothers still dissing and joking each other, watch teenage girls organize races with 4 year-old boys, see 8-10 year old girl cousins busily making plans for the next sleep over or club, and we just get to EAT.

These are the gatherings that connect our lives. Good day, July 4th is. Pics later..e

BOATING

Early morning skiing, one friend/cousin each. Home by 11:30. Beautiful mountain lake. First time this summer.

I'd Better Go and Get Me Some

My sister sent me this advertisement. She is so thoughtful. I've kind of gotten out of this, but it's high time I get some of these back. You can bet I'm getting the vest too. And cutting my hair.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/10333/saturday-night-live-mom-jeans