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I think I'm becoming more neurotic as I grow older. I've decided that really really neat people are probably not the most healthy people as say people who are ok with a little messiness. I used to really admire extremely neat people and wish I were more like that. I was just never willing to put in the time it takes to have an extremely neat house. And I was never willing to pay someone to do it. Now, I still don't have the time, but I am extremely uptight if I walk in a room and it is messy. I can't spend time in my room unless bed is made, clothes off of the floor. It drives me nuts. I tend to feel a lot of anxiety if I look around and piles of paper aren't straight or if the counters have a water spot on it. I can't go in places in my home that are messy without feeling a constriction in my chest. I clean my kitchen floor on my hands and knees. A lot. I wipe down baseboards and door frames. A lot. I wipe my microwave out daily. I wipe my fridge out bi-weekly. Now the hard thing is, my house isn't always spotless. But now, unlike before, it really bothers me. I don't go in my garage because the accumulated stuff just frustrates me.  I don't like going in my girls' rooms in the 2nd house because I can feel my anxiety level rise as I notice clothes on their floor or toothpaste spills left on the counter. Like they can't see it! Or don't care! How can you not care that there is a blue glob on the counter? Oh no, it's happening as I type about it. I need help. I don't want to get any cleaner. Seriously. It makes me really happy when I walk in a home and it is a bit messy. Especially toy rooms. It makes me feel like people LIVE there. And people are happy there. There is action there. Then why can't I enjoy it in my own home?

And another thing. Why do I feel a little feeling of homesickness every time I hear James Taylor's voice? And it's not necessarily homesickness for Utah. Just that feeling. That feeling where you have to just stop what you're doing and completely listen to the song for just a minute and then sigh before you go back to your stuff? Maybe because I've listened to him for so long? He's my old friend?  I've seen him play live so often? What if he were your dad and you just didn't feel well. You tuck yourself under your covers and ask him to sing a few songs as you fall asleep. Can you imagine? I could never fall asleep! Which brings me to another thing that has always bothered me.

Do other people concentrate on every note that is being played in a song so that it prevents them from sleeping at all when music is on? I could never ever fall asleep to music. I can't turn off that mechanism in my brain that is identifying notes. Which instrument is playing what, what his/her vocal range is. I hate it! Which reminds me..

Why does the fruit that we buy at the farmers market go bad after about 1-2 days, while the fruit we buy at the grocery store stays good for a week or more? What do they put in the fruit at the grocery stores anyway? Do I want to know?

I wonder if Spencer is flossing. And taking his vitamins. And eating vegetables. And scrubbing them. With filtered water. I wonder if he washes whites with only whites. I wonder if he's going to get sick. Or stopped by the Russian police. Which brings me back to point one. I think I'm becoming more neurotic with age. :) e