The Day After..

It is the day after. It is the day I have been dreading for about the last 5 years. I'm pathetic, I know. If you know me, you know I'm talking about Spencer leaving home for college. I knew that after today, he will go straight on his mission, back to college, marriage, etc. etc. It will never be the same.

The night before..

It's going to be ok Kate!One last family trip to Huntington Beach via Seal Beach. This photo obviously at Seal Beach..
At Ruby's on the pier in Huntington.

I am pleased to say though, that I feel full of hope today. Yes, I cried for probably 2 hours after I hugged him goodbye and drove the long drive from Provo to my mom's. Yes, I cried as I sat in my window seat on the plane which was directly in front of Bountiful and the Bountiful temple. It was an overwhelming feeling of loss and pride and aching and excitement. Too many emotions for one little body. That much I know.

So, I decided that I can't feel all of these emotions anymore. Not on a regular basis as I have been. I just can't. I couldn't even call my friends in Bountiful for the hour or so that I was there. I couldn't see anyone I cared about to add to what I was already feeling. I just needed to see Lauren, who just got home from Mexico. I had her come over to Misty's and it was so good to see her.... like, really good. She helped me a bunch by crying the whole time and lamenting that Syd was going to forget her, Kate would never know her, our house is not the same.... (ha ha Lauren. You know I love you.) Then I just had to get out of there. Drive away and get on that plane.

STAY FOCUSED. That is my new motto. Focus on what I want, what kind of person I want to be, what the Lord wants for me. Focusing on or wishing for anything else just hurts me and my personal progression in the end. Forward with Faith. I know it, but I haven't totally been able to do it. So, with those thoughts in my head, I came home and began cleaning out Spencer's room. It was melancholy, but not depressing. I was so happy for him and the experience he will have this year at BYU. He will love it!

BYU. What a great place. I had so much fun with him the last two days. We ate out, walked around the bookstore and Walmart, his dorms, and then Walmart again. We listened to music. Well, mostly I would turn the song after I heard words I didn't like, but it was still fun. One kid asked him where he was from. Spence said, "California." The kid said, "Yeah, I thought so. You look like you're from California." Spence said, "Where are you from?" The kid said, "Oh, just from Utah. About 30 minutes up the road." Spence said, "Oh, that's cool." NO mention that he was from Utah about 5 seconds ago. Spence loves that he's now from California. He is living right by all of his new friends and still gets to see some Bountiful friends at the neighboring college in town, so he's excited. I felt like I was checking into BYU just yesterday. I remember everything about that first year. Fun times.

I came home and Ali is LOVING this new dance place by us. She is doing a dance intensive this week and is coming home so excited every day. It is the caliber of Dance Impressions with the feeling of Creative Arts. It will be great for her.

Mom, I'm so happy here! I just had a great class! Weee!

The poster I had in my room growing up. When I saw this in the lobby, I took it as a sign Ali was supposed to take here.

We are signing Maddie up for art classes (any kind of art class she could possibly want is available) at the Art Center in Pasadena about ten minutes away. I really think it will be perfect for her. Syd is finally in gymnastics and tennis.

The girls got to go to Norah Jones and Corrine Bailey Rae last night. How lucky are they?! Brett dropped them off at this cool outdoor venue in Hollywood, then drove to Long Beach to get me from the airport, and by the time he dropped the babes and me off, it was time to get the girls. They loved the concert. Who wouldn't? Norah and Corrine are complete music babes. That's what I'll call them. And Sheryl Crow.

I still have no friends, :) but I know I will. My Julie/Julia experience starts next Wednesday, September 1st. Something new to cook every day. My family will love me!! We've set goals and are excited about working towards them. We have fitness goals, personal progress goals, pursuing talents and hobbies goals...lots of goals.

I'm finally going to finish this house. I need curtains, new paint for Maddie's room, finish planting flowers, one more pillow for one more chair, kissing pictures in front of world sites put up in my room. It should keep me busy enough to not be lonely. I might actually enjoy the quiet and calm of days to myself with just one little sweet baby girl. We'll see.

Finally, to make things even better, the pool company fixed our pool heater while I was gone. We swam all together today for a few hours and it was warm, bathtub warm, Belnap pool warm. It was the best. I can't believe this is the first time we've done it.

Before I sign off, I literally had a tender mercy today. (Jane, I'm not kidding.) I had kind of decided that I am ready to really begin here and invest if you will. Well, there is a flowering bush that I love... a gardenia bush. Every time I come to California, it seems like I smell these and think- oh I wish I could have a bush that smelled like that. I wish they grew easily in Utah. Maybe they do, but I've always associated that heavenly smell with California. I thought about buying one before I left to Utah, but I didn't know if the landlord would want one, not sure if it needs sun, shade, support, etc. I decided to think about it. Well, I had decided as I was watering my flowers today that I would get one. Darn it, I deserve to smell that every day if we are here. I can indulge. I moved the hose to a big pot with green coming out, but that we had not really watered since moving 2 months ago. I had never really noticed it actually. For the last week, we have been watering it every day. Today I saw little white flowers. What? What is this plant? Those flowers looked familiar and I caught a whiff of that smell. No way. We had one all along? Yep. I had the bush I wanted, with the flowers, but I hadn't been watering it. Hmmm. The words came to my mind, "Erin this is a tender mercy just for you. Here is the bush you wanted right in front of you. It's like your new life here. You have to water it to get the flowers." I knew that Heavenly Father was talking to me. It was a very neat moment that is hard to explain, but is very distinct...when you know that the Lord is letting you know He loves you and is mindful of you. It gave me hope.

Brock and Kim came today. We just watched a movie out by the pool and now we are going to bed. Life is good. The flowers are blooming. e