SENIOR PICS THAT ROCKED MY WORLD!!! AHHHHH!!!! SWEET!!!

Last Monday at 5 p.m., I told Spence that in a half an hour, our college friend Whitney was going to come take some quick photos of him for his Senior pictures. "No!" he said. "I'm not photogenic mom. I HATE pictures of me! I don't want to!! " After much coercion, consisting of me telling him he WOULD do this, he acquiesced. An hour later, I got these!!! Happy mom. (Grammar Nazi: coercion and acquiesced are good words to practice spelling once in a while. They almost threw me. And I'm the Grammar Nazi for Pete's Sake. And who is Pete and why is it always for his sake? And yes, I'm meaning to start these sentences with AND.)

These last two make me laugh so much. If you know Spencer, you would understand. He played none of these sports in high school. I don't think he has ever played a minute of lacrosse or football. I don't even know whose lacrosse stick this is.

Thank you Whitney! AHHHHHH I'm so happy about these!!!!

MY FAVORITE DEEP THOUGHT

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

DEEP THOUGHT

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke."

For a long time in our 20-year married life, Brett and I had the words

Always Do the Hard Thing

taped to our refrigerator. We had decided that whenever there was a choice, usually the thing that was the hardest, turned out to be the best. Hard saying sorry sometimes, hard getting up early to read or go to the temple, hard serving when you want to sleep, etc. You get the point. This saying also motivated us to go to a grad school far away from family, or sign up to publish the school's yearbook with 2 little kids so we could earn extra money.

I used to teach this to my kids. If the choice is go to school or sluff and going to school is harder, it's probably better. If getting out of your bed to pray on your knees is harder than just closing your eyes and saying a prayer to the ceiling, it's probably better to get on your knees. If studying for a test instead of watching a movie is harder, you'll be glad you studied for the test. Scrub a toilet instead of play a video,etc. You never regret the hard things.

I was so happy when the Young Women's General Presidency of the church adopted the motto

We Can Do Hard Things!

It kind of validated what I thought. Well, somewhere along the way, I really think I started to believe that I, personally, should start doing the easier thing. I guess at the time, having a baby so far after the others and so late in life would be perceived as the hard thing. I can't believe I ever would have thought that. Kate some days is the reason I get out of bed. She needs me and keeps me from being too alone all day long. She has kept me from focusing on Spencer leaving or moving too much. Kate is there in my arms, staring at me with those huge eyes and sweet smell, and I'm so so grateful.

So, thinking about moving....Early in my single life and in my married life, I would have jumped at this chance, even though it is hard. I was attracted to Brett, I realize now, because he was someone who did hard and exciting things. I knew it would be a fun ride. I guess I have just been here so long, with not much change and with things so good and safe and wonderful, that I didn't want to do the hard thing anymore. I don't want to send Spence off to college away from his role as peacemaker and entertainer of the home. I don't want to exercise. I don't want to run to the store if it's rainy. Heck, I don't even want to take off my slippers lots of the time. What happened??!!

This is the house that we are renting in California. It is totally different than anything around here. It is very wooded and opens to a courtyard thing in the back. It's laid out differently with two houses touching at the corner instead of one house. When I first saw this house online a few weeks ago, all of a sudden, I got a wave of excitement, kind of like I used to get. It was the same wave I got 16 years ago when I stepped into our little tiny duplex in Lexington, MA on Spencer Street. It was the same wave I got 18 years ago when we first saw our rental house in Oakton, Virginia for the summer. It was the same wave I got when I saw that house in Sydney that I knew we'd be in for 5 months.

In the end we went with the town we liked, even though it's the most expensive and we get the least house. Oh well! For a moment, I thought, "How fun will this be! I can live there and we can have a little adventure in this little house in the trees. My girls can see what a new school and ward will feel like, we can meet some new folks, and we can swim in this pool every day if we so choose." My daughters call it the jungle house, and are a little unsure about it all. We will be downsizing a lot, but I had that familiar wave of feeling come over me. I like to think that it is the Lord saying, "Erin. This is the one. This is where you are supposed to be." It's just a feeling. We will do this move, and it will be hard, and in the end, I have learned that hard=good. No, hard=great.

I have a quote staring at me right now, by this computer that is helping me. It says:

LIFE BEGINS AT THE END OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE

So, I would encourage you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Call someone and apologize, go on a hard hike or push yourself to exhaustion, Sing in church, start a new hobby, take a class, volunteer somewhere new. What ruts have you maybe gotten into that prevents you from living more? Maybe the computer takes too much of your time and you are becoming a hermit. Maybe you are afraid to invite people over for dinner, because you think you can't cook or you're just tired. Maybe you haven't consciously tried to learn anything new that hurts your brain for a while. I need this advice! I will need to read it when perhaps I'm lonely in my new house in the trees. I've decided that I do want to do the hard thing. It has always been a blessing, every time. Heck I'm sure I'll get there and say, "Southern California? This was supposed to be hard?!"

HANG IN THERE MY LITTLE FLOWERS. I KNOW IT IS SNOWING AND IT IS MAY 24TH. I KNOW YOU AREN'T MEANT TO SURVIVE IN THE SNOW. CAN'T YOU JUST PICTURE HOW HAPPY YOU HAVE MADE ME AND JUST POWER THROUGH IT? CAN'T YOU JUST HUNKER DOWN UNDER THE COLD WEIGHT FOR JUST A DAY? I'M SURE IT WILL BE WARM AND MELTED TOMORROW. PLEASE LITTLE ONES. FOR MAMA???

Anatomy of a YouTube Clip

So, I read my usual blogs each day. I have about 10 people I read and on any given day, perhaps 2 or 3 post. It's quite a short process and takes about 5 minutes. Yesterday, on my li'l friend's blog, she posted a youtube clip of a singer named Rachel Yamagata. As I listened to this, I saw two or three others by Rachel on the right side. One of them is a cover called I Wish You Love. When I clicked on it, of course to the right, comes up all other I Wish You Loves. OH, there is the version by Nat King Cole. Probably the original- I thought. Click on that, and fall in love all over with Nat King Cole. Read on the comments that Frank Sinatra did it as well. Oh that's right, I thought. He did, didn't he? Listen to his version, but decide that Nat's is the best. While listening to Nat, I see an Ella Fitzgerald clip to the right. When I click on it, tons of hers come up. I see one that has gotten over a million hits of her doing scat.

GOLDMINE!!!!!! JACKPOT!!!!! WOWWWWZERRRRR!!

So here it is... the most brilliant scat I've ever heard. The reason for YouTube becomes manifest once again. Now in case you think I am wasting my time, all of this was done in about 12 minutes, and now I am off to shower and begin this snowy end of May day. e

**quickly I'm back. Just got back from Kate's doc apt. She is 10 months and is only in the 3% on her weight. Yikes. She only gained less than 1 pound in the last 2 months. She looks like a little doll. She is 15 lbs and some change at 10 stinkin months. I now have to give her tons of stuff-food constantly-milk constantly-you name it. She needs to gain weight. Man, I LOVE that baby. I'd do anything for her. I was holding her little naked-down-to-her-diaper body at the docs and just rubbing that soft warm skin on her back and AAAAHHHHH I can't stand how much I love it sometimes.

OK OK! I'm done blogging! Back to snowy day. Snowy doc apt, dentist apt, house showing, Brett home :) Monday. Take care. Be happy. Don't let the weather or anything else dictate whether you are happy or not. It's all from inside.

8:12

Today has been interesting. Brett isn't coming home tonight. He's in Atlanta and doesn't come home until late Sat. night. So, I'll put Baby Kate down about now and I guess I'll just clean, pack and listen to Indigo Girls.

Indigo Girls. I can't explain it, but there are times when this wave washes over me and I HAVE to listen to Indigo Girls for a few days. It started today. Maybe it's the rain. Maybe it's because I'm a little lonely. Some of their songs kill me. Honestly, I can't divulge which ones, but trust me, some of them....

8:13 If you don't know who the Indigo Girls are, I am sorry. If you think they are weird, I'm sorry. The words are poetry and the harmonies are, well they just are. I'm listening to Ghost right now. The bridge of this song is so sweet. Ahh.

We're waiting to hear back from an offer we put on a rental house in La Canada. I thought we would hear by today, but no such luck. Wow, I'm getting really good at waiting for stuff. These past two years, I feel like all I have done is practice patience and wait. I know it's good for me. I hope I remember lessons learned.

No bites yet on our house here either. The market stinks. I could honestly see this country sinking into a deeper depression instead of climbing out of this. We are likely going to have to rent this home out for a while so we don't have to sell it right now. Again, I will probably have to keep waiting up until the day we move before I'll know what the heck we're doing. Mr. Moving Truck Driver Guy will ask, "Where to?" I'll say, "Uh..hmmm...California? Just drive."

8:15. 8:16. Quiet house. Buzzing of the refrigerator to my right. Water droplets hitting the sink behind me. A click from the oven heating up to bake the cookies that I have to make while listening to Indigo Girls and cleaning and packing. 8:17. 8:18.

Two more short weeks of school. One week of summer and then that's it Utah. The movers show up and we are official Californians. The awesome and dreaded choir concert this week. I cried through the last one. How am I going to make it through this one? ugh. Is Spencer really graduating? Will he really be at BYU while we are in California?

On the positive, we are all healthy. The kids' grades are all great. Kate makes me happy every day. Spence makes me laugh every day. My girls keep me company every day. Brett is loving his job and looking forward to having us there every day. I had lunch with my mom and sisters for mom's b-day. Love you mom! My house is warm and comfortable. I might get to have a house with a pool. I have a whole bunch of new Wings CDs to listen to.

Back to complaining. I might just go get in bed. 8:24. Weekends are not meant to be missing husbands and fathers. 8:25.

No more random musings tonight. e