It is Wednesday at noon.

Voices carry through the big rental house.

I'm under my covers..just for a moment reading from my favorite poet Billy Collins.

We got the big master bedroom (sweeeeet) because we have a baby and it is the most soundproof and isolated.

Kate is breathing heavily and sucking on her binkie close by. This brings me back to Billy Collins. Man, I love reading his poetry.

I'm on lunch duty in about 15 more minutes. Just enough time to read this....

THE INTRODUCTION

I don't think this next poem

needs any introduction-

it's best to let the work speak for itself.

Maybe I should just mention

that whenever I use the word five,

I'm referring to that group of Russian composers

who came to be known as "The Five,"

Balakirev, Moussorgsky, Borodin-that crowd.

Oh-and Hypsicles was a Greek astronomer.

He did something with the circle.

That's about it, but for the record,

"Grimke" is Angelina Emily Grimke, the abolitionist.

"Imroz" is that little island near the Dardanelles.

"Monad"- well, you all know what a monad is.

There could be a little problem

with mastaba, which is one of those Egyptian

above-ground sepulchres, sort of brick and limestone.

And you're all familiar with helminthology?

It's the science of worms.

Oh, and you will recall that Phoebe Mozee

is the real name of Annie Oakley.

Other than that, everything should be obvious.

Wagga Wagga is in New South Wales.

Rhyolite is that soft volcanic rock.

What else?

Yes, meranti is a type of timber, in tropical Asia I think,

and Rahway is just Rahway, New Jersey.

The rest of the poem should be clear.

I'll just read it and let it speak for itself

It's about the time I went picking wild strawberries.

It's called "Picking Wild Strawberries."

Oh Billy, you're so clever. I'll read one more before I head in for lunch. Cold cuts, fruit and chips. Oh, and I bought some little ice cream bars. Those are always a hit.

I wonder who he is writing about in this next poem.

ON NOT FINDING YOU AT HOME

Usually you appear at the front door

when you hear my steps on the gravel,

but today the door was closed,

not a wisp of pale smoke from the chimney.

I peered into a window

but there was nothing but a table with a comb,

some yellow flowers in a glass of water

and dark shadows in the corner of the room.

I stood for a while under the big tree

and listened to the wind and the birds,

your wind and your birds,

your dark green woods beyond the clearing.

This is not what it is like to be you,

I realized as a few of your magnificent clouds

flew over the rooftop.

It is just me thinking about being you.

And before I headed back down the hill,

I walked in a circle around your house,

making an invisible line

which you would have to cross before dark.

Well, time to put him away. Must exit this secluded, warm room. Must feed the little ones. Thank you Billy.

ARTIST OF THE WEEK

JACK CONTE and POMPLAMOOSE

My brother introduced me to Pomplamoose on Christmas Day. He has always been my source of new, sometimes really off-the-beaten-path artists...musical and otherwise. It has been really fun to spend more time with him lately. The cool thing about Quinn is that he doesn't just like or appreciate one kind of music. Quinn spends A LOT of time searching far and wide to find STUFF. He finds and listens to EVERYTHING, as long as it is good. Then he tells me about it. This saves me a lot of TIME and also makes me feel like I just discovered something before everyone else, which I really like. I'm the one telling YOU about Pomplamoose rather than somebody else telling ME about Pomplamoose. I'm only 2 down the chain. Quinn to me and me blogging to the thousands of readers I am sure I currently have who read my blog.

Pomplamoose. There is a guy named Jack Conte who uses a new kind of medium called Videosong. Every sound in his song must be shown on the video he makes (in his apartment.) For instance, if he slaps a desk to make a sound, he must show his hands slapping that desk. If he uses a vintage Wurlitzer electric piano, he shows himself playing it. You have to see a videosong to understand. It's really really cool.

He has a girlfriend named Nataly Dawn who I think is beautiful. Her voice is SO GOOD. When she sings with him, they are called Pomplamoose. When he's by himself, he's just Jack Conte. Youtube Pomplamoose September. It is a videosong they did of Earth Wind and Fire's September. I love their setup. I love that they are boyfriend/girlfriend and they have so much fun writing, singing, playing together. Playing music should be fun like that. Sometimes, having grown up playing classical music, I have a hard time letting go and just playing for fun. I get all self-conscious. I love their quirkiness. Then youtube Always in the Season. Then do Expiration Date. If you like this, please comment. If not, don't comment anything so I won't be disappointed that you aren't cool.

Pomplamoose. Mark my words, you haven't heard the last of Pomplamoose (which means grapefruit in French).

Christmas Eve with the Blakes

Christmas Eve. Hosted by Darcy and Chris, the house was festive and warm. Plenty of room after their remodel for all of us. Traditional clam chowder and orange rolls, but with added hors d'eouvres, chicken noodle soup, salad, rainbow jello for the young ones and cake.

Grandma always goes all out for this night. Every plate had an ornament for the diner and a gift card to In-N-Out. We are all headed to St. George for a week right after Christmas and the gift card is to be used on our way down. Sweet! Chocolate shake! Chocolate shake!

Grandma opening their official mission call to serve in Europe for 1 1/2 years. They will be stationed in Frankfurt, Germany but will travel all over opening LDS social service offices for the church. I need to hike in the Black Forest again, so I'm thinking a visit will be good. Brock, aka golden boy, in the foreground.

"The boys" with "The girls" in the background.

Brett and his baby with cutest niece Ellie. Seriously, I wish you could meet her. She's a crack up.

The inseparable happy couple.

On the way home, we tried to find "Bring Him Home Santa" on the radio but to no avail. Spencer thinks it's funny to listen to that song and "Christmas Shoes" over and over. Oh, and he plays the youtube video for Bring Him Home Santa. The last 5 seconds of that video is a killer. How sweet is that little boy seeing his dad in his classroom surprising him from Iraq?

Finally, we have to track where Santa is on Noradsanta.org, which gives minute by minute updates of where he is, open the family game and book (this year no pjs. We're cutting back) and off to bed. My brother stayed over night with us and we were laughing early into the morning hours. I'll tell more about that later....

Fairy Kate

How lucky am I? Kate's Christmas present from my friend Penny Bohn. She is a great artist. I have two of her paintings already in my house. She does a lot of fairies and thought she would paint Baby Kate as one. Priceless.

Note to Self:

If you are a kid, and if you are at a community holiday event, and if your mom stays home with the baby, and if your dad is with you, and if there is a day spa who is participating at this event, and if they are giving away free facial spray-on tans, and if your dad doesn't know what that is, and if he says, "go ahead! Try it!" and if you don't want to, because you are scared it will look weird, and if he still pushes you forward, JUST SAY NO.

My friend Mark Johnson

The first boy I can ever remember liking was Mark Johnson. I was in the 4th grade when he wrote me a note asking me to go with him. I, of course, said yes in my note back, which I folded like a heart, and then got all nervous and wouldn't really talk to him after that.

Mark was so funny- the really fun, happy, athletic, smart kid who everyone liked. He was good at sports AND could sing. One day, his mom called my mom and told her that Mark was going to sing "The Rainbow Connection" for the class talent show and wanted me to play for him. My mom said yes before even consulting with me, and I can still remember the embarrassment of having to walk with Mark to my house after school to practice. I don't think our moms had any clue about our consuming love affair. That was the longest walk of my young life.

I still remember getting a box of chocolates from him for Valentines Day hidden in my desk at school. I about DIED of angst and heart palpitations as I carefully stashed it in my backpack and then hid it under my bed. There was no way my mom would find out about anyone giving me chocolates, especially if he was only 10. I would pull it out and just stare at it and his note before sliding it back into the dusty depths.

I remember in the 5th grade, Mark calling me on the phone and telling me he wanted me to listen to something. I listened, and could faintly hear Hall and Oates sing "Your Kiss Is On My List" for about 30 seconds. He had asked the radio station to play it, and when they did, he called me and put the phone up to the radio. This makes me smile just thinking about it. I was 11 or 12 and I think I stopped breathing. Then he hung up. Oh man, I knew what he was thinking and this was a super confident kid with a huge posse behind him. Something was going down. I was outgoing in a group, but very shy one on one and I did NOT think I was keen on kissing anyone, not even Mark Johnson.

I remember a few weeks later, his gang of boys came up to me on the dodgeball court and told me that Mark wanted to "tell me something." (laugh laugh laugh smirk smirk) Did I want him to "tell it to me, or whisper it to me?" OF COURSE I eeked out "whisper it to me." There was no WAY I would have him tell it to me straight on. I just wasn't ready, wasn't ready for lip contact! Anyway, the next thing I know, he is right there with that grin and planted one on my cheek as his friends held my arms so I couldn't escape. Cheers erupted on the playground. Wow.

Soon after that, after one more note where he called me foxy, our love faded into the dark. The candle of infatuation dimmed and finally was extinguished. I found out later that it bugged him how I sucked on my ribbon barrettes. He didn't even appreciate that I had made a set in every color to match my outfits. All he knew was that it creeped him out when I would suck on the ends as I was practicing my spelling words. No more playing the piano for him anymore.

He moved on to my best friend Moe Holmes for 6th grade and finally, dated my other good friend Joanna Johnson who had hair down to her waist. Who could compete with that? I had a really bad perm from a student at a beauty college and it was so tight, it burned my scalp and shrunk my hair to my shoulders. Make no mistake, I was no Joanna Johnson.

In high school, we didn't talk much. He was an athlete and I was a music/drama girl. I really had no feelings for him at all after 6th grade, but just appreciated what a great and fun guy he was. He won our high school's Mr. Murray competition, which is usually won based on how fun and creative the guy is, not necessarily how beautiful he is. Mark wasn't necessarily beautiful. I never really liked super beautiful people anyway.

Mark Johnson was killed in a car accident last night. He was coming home from a two-week business trip in time for Christmas. He had 5 kids. His oldest was 10 and he had 10-month old twins. He was driving home from the airport and somehow, ran into a street sweeper which was apparently going about 5 miles an hour on the freeway. The airbag deployed, broke his sternum and he died. Just like that. He was 39 years old.

This guy was so good--larger than life. He could make anyone laugh and feel comfortable around him. He had served as the bishop of his ward earlier and was in the prime of his career. He attended our high school reunion the summer before, showed off his cute wife and family, and was enjoyed by all. There was the general attitude of, "Mark Johnson is here! Have you seen Mark? Mark's here!"

I am so sad. What are the chances of hitting a street sweeper on your way home for Christmas? How excited would he have been to hold his little twins right after he walked through the door and kissed his wife? His older kids might have been looking out the window, maybe made a sign. It had been a two-week trip after all and Mark would have been that kind of dad and that kind of husband.

Mark, thank you for giving me some good, funny, juicy memories. I am so happy to have shared my elementary years with you..class clown, Mr. Popular, Dodgeball champ. I will listen to the Rainbow Connection in your honor today. Thank you for the example you set for so many by being genuine and real. I will pray for your little family. I know they will see you again.

Love Erin

Insomnia Strikes Again

Last night, Brett went to bed about 9 p.m. (He must have been super tired, I thought). I went in the kitchen and talked with my teens until 11. I was awake at 2 feeding Kate. At 3:34 I heard the front door open and close. I sat up in bed, my heart thumping. In my mind, it was either Spencer sneaking out (which I quickly knew couldn't be it. Who would wake themselves up to sneak out at 3:30 a.m.?), Spencer sneaking in (which was more likely, but to my knowledge he has never snuck out or in. Besides, why wouldn't he use the door downstairs right next to his room?), or some stranger coming in my house. I quickly decided - this was all in about 5 seconds-- that it was the latter. Nothing else made sense. I spryly jumped out of bed and tiptoed to the corner leading to the hall. After a few seconds, I heard movement. I loudly yelled, and I mean loudly, "Who's there?!" I thought that would scare them and they would turn and run. I turned the corner with no fear. After all, whoever it was, was closing in on my girls' room and no one's gonna hurt my babies.

At the exact moment I turned, I ran into my husband. He was completely flummoxed. "Erin, what are you doing?"

"I thought someone was in our house! What are YOU doing? Why are you opening our front door at 3:30 in the morning!?"

He started chuckling. "You are so weird sometimes. Why didn't you just look over in bed and see I wasn't there? I'm turning off the Christmas lights. The timer didn't turn them off. Remember, you sent me in to give Kate a binkie about 10 minutes ago? Man! Relax!"

I asked myself, why, when I heard the door open, didn't I say, "Brett! Someone's in our house. Go get him!" I hadn't even looked over. I had just hopped out of bed ready to confront someone and save my baby. Weird.

After that, I literally never went back to sleep. The rest of the night. Is this what insomnia is? This has happened a few times now and it is always when something wakes me up that I just sit, stare at the ceiling and my mind goes crazy. This night, I thought about our friends, the Farleys. I thought about Tanner leaving on his mission. I realized that at this time next year, Spencer will know where he is going on HIS mission. This time last year, I was in the depths of morning sickness, sick out of my head. How fast this year has gone! Who am I kidding? This next year will go even faster. His senior year. By this time next year, Kate will already be in nursery in church and she was just born! AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! (notice I said she will "already" be in nursery vs. she will be "all ready" to go to nursery? Different meaning, different spelling. I knew the grammar Nazi segment would come in handy.)

Then I thought about sleep aids, and if they would work and reaffirmed that I don't want to even pop a sleeping pill in my little mouth. I have an aversion to relying on pills to do anything. It doesn't really seem to help those I know who use them anyway and then the body becomes dependent. For now, not for me.

(Just a sec. ok. Just turned on some Travis so I can keep typing. Kate's in her high chair next to me, because she's fascinated when I type on the computer. She really likes when I'm quiet and just typing. She's just thinking British thoughts in that li'l British mind of hers, practicing her accent.)

Finally, I thought how depression and I don't work together. Depression doesn't fit my spirit. I was so glad that my two-day funk starting Friday was gone. It pretty much ruins everything else. If you are depressed and don't want to go anywhere, then you don't see anyone. That stinks. Who wants to not see people? I had an epiphany on Sunday morning. I don't care that I don't know what is happening with this job STILL. I don't know if we are moving our family or not STILL. But it's ok. The Lord is in charge. He is refining us. At least that's what it says in 3Nephi 27. He tries his people and he refines them. Why wouldn't I want to be refined? Why wouldn't I want to develop patience and empathy and humility? I've grown so much. I have so much love around me.

That led me back to the Farleys. This weekend, I helped the Belnaps sing with their whole family in church. I practiced with them many times and enjoyed them filling up my front room as I played for them and laughed with them. We got to do How Great Thou Art for Tanner at his farewell. Tanner gave my Kate a shout-out in his talk, which I thought was pretty great. My son and 5 other 18 year-olds sat all in a row next to me and watched Tanner speak and bear his testimony, (their first close friend to go) knowing that they were watching someone pave the way for them. I was so grateful to him. I was grateful that he shared his experience of praying to the Lord asking if he was supposed to serve a mission. He opened the scriptures randomly to a verse that talked about declaring His Word to the people. He said, he knew that God was telling him he should do just that. I went to their home after church, ate, and laughed with friends.

I went to Temple Square and saw the lights with family. We had hot chocolate with Darcy and Chris. I finally went to play for the Welch brothers who I get to play for next week in sacrament as well. Lucky me. I got to hear their tight harmonies for about 1/2 hour. Finally, as I said, talked with my teens and almost single handedly killed my husband for breaking into our house in the middle of the night. I am so blessed. Then, after thinking about all of these things, it was time to get up for scripture study. I was already up :) e