FEAR

My stomach's in a knot. I am getting a headache. Fear is slowly seeping through my body quickening my heartbeat. Why did I agree to do this gig tomorrow? I always forget that I don't actually enjoy THE ACTUAL GIG. I get too nervous. Most of the time on this one I am standing with Lindsay singing back up. I've never stood and sang before..always have had the security of my keyboard and stool. How can I stop myself from dancing? You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. Is that appropriate? Or else how can I force myself to look out and smile instead of look down and shake? How many more times can I listen to these songs until I feel like I know them? Why am I using a keyboard that I don't know how to use yet??!! HELP!

That's all.

I love art in unexpected places; someone making mundane things more interesting or someone who gives us something to think about and enjoy. Just because.

I'm missing the Fosters today. Stephen, one of my son's best friends leaves on his mission to Puebla, Mexico tomorrow. As I was saying goodbye to him on the phone yesterday, I broke down crying. It is the end of an era! I love that kid and that family so much. I will miss hearing his polite "thank you Sis. Blake" and his complaining that everyone else is loved more than him :)  My family thought that I was so sad because it was reminding me that Spencer is going to leave. Really, that isn't it. I will just miss and I just love Stephen. And I miss his mom. It was hard on me not being there this weekend.

On the positive, I love my little family. I'm so grateful that Heavenly Father sent us here in families. As we had our Valentine's Dinner last night (at 8:30 with sick Kate and all) I was exhausted. But I loved everyone sitting at that table so much. Sometimes here in Cal, I feel like it is just us against the big world.

Also, this weekend I get to play that music gig. The other singer, Lindsay, has such a great voice. Very intimidating to me, but I try my best to blend with her. We went to a restaurant together last Saturday where Dave and Pat (another guitar player who is really great) were playing and we got to sing a few numbers with him. I have to get over my nervousness. I think I want to do it, then we get there and I am dying! Why do I want to do this?! I need to just seize the moment more. After Vegas, we are going on a ward camp out on the beach in Santa Barbara. The ward goes up there for the whole weekend, goes to church there and will come home Monday. I'm so excited! I want to rent an RV due to having no idea where Brett has stashed tents, tent parts, lanterns since we moved, but we'll see. We can't always have everything we want.

what? Kate is crying already? She's supposed to sleep for another hour. grrrrr

Quite the Kiss eh?

Seeing this statue made me happy inside. There could have been a plaque in this place (by the naval base in San Diego) thanking all of the war veterans. Instead, someone commissioned this and it says more and makes me feel more than a plaque ever would. You can see just how huge this is by looking at the woman's head at the bottom of the photo.

And how fun is this? One look at Bob Hope and these soldiers listening to him, and that's all the artist needs to show. A much better tribute to him for his years performing to the troops than a plaque. Not that I have anything against plaques..

Hooray for art. And for Bob Hope. And for kissing for that matter.

KEEPIN IT REAL

Nothing says "Good morning!" like an impromptu visit from your landlord who flew in from India unexpectedly. Nothing says, "Hey!" like a knock at the door at 8:30 a.m. You realize you are in pajamas and that your mascara is smudgy from the night before, a touch of greasy hair, but who could it be anyway, right? Probably a neighbor or someone bringing back Rudy. (Kidding! We've totally solved the running away problem!) You open the door to find someone who looks intimidating as all get out staring at you.

Nothing says, "Good to meet you!" like telling him you will just run outside and "open the girls' door for him" while he's checking every square inch of your main house only to find COMPLETE CHAOS MESS INORDINATE AMOUNTS OF CLOTHING ON THE FLOOR BOBBI PINS CURLING IRONS SHOES ETC ETC IN PLACES THEY WERE NEVER INTENDED TO BE in their rooms. Girls, if you read this before I talk to you, you are in big trouble. This was NOT FUNNY. 

Happy Birthday Spencer!!

As I was mailing his package the other day, I found this letter placed on top. It is so Ali. It made me laugh so much and I know it made Spencer's day too. One of those parent paydays to see one of your children feel this way about a sibling. I will always save this letter!

spencer austin/loy blake-

I LOVE you. Soooooooo much.  You make my dreams come true.  I'm so lucky to have a brother like you!! (i'm a poet and i didn't even know it)

Happy Birthday Broda!!!

10 Reasons Why i love my big Brother Spencer

1- He's super attractive, which results in lots of older girls liking me.  Which results in more people liking me.  Which results in me having friends!!

2- He is freakishly amazingly smart.  But doesn't wear glasses. And doesn't wear suspenders. So that's good.

3-He is SUCH a hard worker.  I always watched in awe how every Saturday you would automatically walk outside and mow the lawn without even having to be asked.

4- He honors his priesthood.  There is nothing better than a brother with an amazing testimony and always answering church-like questions with ease.

5- He is good at choosing girlfriends that his little sister will approve of :)

6- I've never heard him once complain about having all sisters (more to come on this topic)

7- He always beat maddie up... not me.  I can live with the endless jokes but i'm happy i don't have bruises up and down my legs.

8-He's hilarious and always makes mom happier and brightens the family up when we all want to shoot each other.

9- He put up with mom being CRAZY and parenting him like a mad woman so that i would have a nice relaxed experience with mother.

10- He treats me like "I'm the only one that he'll ever love" he treats me like a princess and hugs me when i'm sad, picked me up when i needed a ride, and is always reading my blog, or texting me or just being plain amazing towards me.

Spence i really do love you so much. Words won't ever describe how much i appreciate you.  I don't know what i would do without you.  I've nevr met a nicer older brother and friend.  I know i can always count on you.  You mean the world to me.  Enough of the cheesiness.  Please don't go on a mission.  I'm going to die.

Happy 19th birthday, love you, miss you.  

Party Hard.

Love, The favorite sister, aligal, aka Allison Paige Blake

For the record, #9 is soooo not true. #7 is so true. Maddie had the bruises during Christmas Break to prove it. She's the brother he never had. #1 made me laugh the most. It is so Ali.

It was so weird not being there with him on his big day. It was the first time I didn't have the birthday child in my home to celebrate. Weird. I kept calling him asking how the day was going. I'm grateful to his friends and to my family for having him for dinner, making a cake and keeping it fun for him.

In a few weeks, he will be a called missionary. So excited!

Ok. Spence, if you're reading this (and I know you are), go STUDY. And stay PRO.  And Remember Who You Are. And thank you for treating your mother with kindness, respect, and humor all of these years. That's all. Love Mom

Ladies and Gentlemen... my new blog segment...the time has come to announce it...

ERIN AND TARA'S "GREAT L.A. FOOD TRUCK TOUR 2011"!!

-with guest artists Kate and Lo Lo Lo Lola-

That's right. Tara and and I are going to hit all of the top Food Trucks in the greater L.A. area. You see, Tara's mother, one of my bff's Heidi Bingham, was the first one to tell me about food trucks. She was the first to tell me that food trucks are quite popular here. She's often the first to tell me stuff, stuff that is so happening and so NOW. I'd be clueless without her. These trucks just travel around and you have to find them on twitter to know where they are. Never in the same place. Her son Chase, shown here,



 has his own food truck called Ride or Fry. Click on the link and check them out.

The chef's name is Dante, and is a greeeaaat chef. I know this because I ate the best fried chicken and grits, salad and biscuit ever. Their food is technically called Trans-Atlantic African Cuisine. I got to see Heidi, Lance, Tara, and babes Lola, shown here..


(Promise, she does have a body to go along with that intense face. She is lying in a free $900 stroller that her mother, the other young mom, Tara got from being on the Ellen Show Mothers' Day Edition. Only Tara's life is so charmed.)
We sat in the sun and cool Lance treated us all to our delicious lunch. Even me! This day, the truck was parked right next to NBC's studios in Burbank. I waited for them by the Tonight Show entrance. Tara and I are such young moms. Seriously, we both couldn't be any younger with our little babies. We are going to try all of these trucks: the grilled cheese truck, the crepe truck, the waffle truck, Chase's chicken truck again. Then when people come to visit, oh boy will I know where to take them. The possibilities will be E n D l E e S. ok that looks weird. Endless. Endless.

Here is a publicity shot for our upcoming tour 2011. Heidi, shown above, might do a gig or two with us (even though she's waaay older a grandma, but you didn't hear it from me) when she's in town. I hope life isn't too rough on the road. I couldn't do this tour without the support and love of all of the behind-the-scenes staff and family. Shout out to all of you.

You Cheated On Me With Choreography And That's The Worst Kind

Name that show...

I have felt uninspired to blog. It's not that a lot isn't going on..just haven't felt it.

Yesterday, long busy day. Kate was the most hyper baby on the planet during the million errands it seemed I had to run. My conversations with various store owners: (Be prepared. The following is extremely riveting reading.)

Hi. How are you. Nice store you have here. Oh, yes I'm buying some things for my son's birthday on Friday.
I'm sorry. Kate, come here sweetie.
Oh I'm sorry. Kate...
Kate, stop crying. It's ok. Mommy's got you.
Hold my hand. Kate, hold mommy's hand.
Oh, just a second. Kate? Kate? Where did you go?
No no, Kate. That's the store room. Come back.
Mom's almost done Kate. Stay by mommy.
Kate NO! I'm sorry. Really, I can't begin to be sorry enough.
Kate, stay here. Oh I'm dreadfully sorry. Words can't convey my sorry-ness to you.
No Kate. Don't touch.
Wow. I'm sorry.
Ok Kate. I'm not letting you down. Stop screaming.
SO what were you saying? Kate stop it. I'm not letting you down.
I'm sorry, what did you say? I can't hear you over the crying.
Kate, what does a doggie say? Can you sing Elmo? Sing Elmo for the lady.
Yes, I DO love being a mother. It's wonderful. Ow Kate, don't hit mommy.
Well, I hate to cut this short, but we need to be going now. Bye!
Kate, that was a no no. You don't run away from mommy. And no hitting. 
Can you say I'm sorry mommy? 
I sowy mommy.
Oh, you're so dang cute!!! I love you kiss kiss kiss kiss. Smell the neck, nose touch. All is forgiven.


That was pretty much my day yesterday. Why did I choose to make 50 scotcheroos for a R. S. project when I could have done easy cookies? Or plain rice krispie treats. Why did I mess up the frosting, having to run back to the store and then do it again? Why did I have to put them in the baggies with wet frosting, due to the mess up, thus making the baggies super dee duper messy? Why did my kids have a million things involving me and rides at the same time?! When Brett called at 8:30 saying he would be later, that he was in a meeting he couldn't get out of, why did I just shrug and start laughing and not get upset? It was just funny by that point. I was spent.

Well, I was doing what I always do and stayed in the car listening to music after I brought Ali home from dance. I was just kind of comatose in the front seat, with the heat going and track 12 playing on Good Old War's CD. I saw Brett's headlights coming up the drive. Yea! I gave him a weak smile and he gave me a huge smile and a thumbs up sign. He was really happy about something. He opened his trunk and there was the new keyboard I have been researching and wanting to buy. His "meeting" was with Guitar Center where he bought that keyboard for me and surprised me. I think he knew I wouldn't be able to gulp and buy it on my own, always thinking of a million things I need to pay for before something self-indulgent like that. However, he also knew that I need one if I'm going to be able to play. My first band vocal rehearsal is tonight and the gig is in a few weeks. So this keyboard is just in time! We set it up in the other house with speakers facing me and behind me. I can also put on a CD of the songs I am working on and then play along with it. I am really happy. It is so cool.

So my musing is: Some days are crazy. They just are. Some days you might feel like crying. You just will. It's ok. The next day will be better. It always is. The sun will come up, and life will keep going.  Prayer and scriptures also greatly help get me out of those hard days I've found.

I'm excited because I am going to do something today with one of my favorite people who is in California at the moment. It will be a brand new segment on my blog...one I've been wanting to do for a while. You'll have to wait in suspense until tomorrow!!!

*Also, Disneyland this week was great. Our town's schools had a teacher prep day, which no one else in L.A. did, so the whole town was at Disneyland. So fun to keep running into people, seeing the kids with their friends. No parental lapses of judgement that I saw. The only thing that might constitute a lapse of judgement was seeing little kids in flimsy pirate boots made out of cardboard walking around all day or pointed Jasmine shoes. Mom, Dad, would YOU want to walk around in those? Other than that, it was wonderful. We're getting a system down as to where we eat. We always get BBQ meat and asparagus skewers at Bengal Barbecue in Frontier land, and we know where the healthy kiosks are (the ones with fruit and nuts). There is usually a stop at the soft ice cream place on the boardwalk and now that we found a coconut curry place on the wharf, that will be a regular stop as well.
Kate went 10 times IN A ROW on the merry go round. She would cry as we tried to pry her chubby fingers off of the gold pole and take her seatbelt off of the fish she liked to ride. Way cute.

I saw both Amos Lee and Jon Brion live this week. Big week musically. Amazing. I loved both. Especially Jon Brion. Thanks to the Busks for telling me about him. Craziest performance I've ever seen. My brother Quinn and our friend Bob Farley would LOVE THIS SHOW. Quinn, google him. Google Jon Brion Largo. Everyone else would think it was just plain weird.

OK people. I miss Utah. I miss everyone in Utah. I am doing well here. I can't wait to see all of Brett's siblings this weekend as we have a couples getaway to Newport. All of us! Sis. Elaine Dalton, the General Young Women's President of the church is flying to California this weekend to visit the YW in the Los Angeles Region. She is walking around the Rose Bowl with the girls on Friday, doing a big conference on Saturday and coming to our ward's YW class on Sunday. Just our ward, all to ourselves. How lucky are the girls?

Could this post be any longer? Ha ha. Sorry. e